As our circle of friends with grandchildren builds, it is hard not to get impatient. We try to be super-careful not to make any references to grandchildren with our married children, not wanting to appear pushy, especially since we waited until we had been married 7 years and were 30 to start a family ourselves. We’ve always avoided using phone conversations with the kids to offer the “Death and Accident” report, a litany of who is sick, dying or dead. Now, I think twice about including the “Stork Report” as in: “Guess what? Alisha is due in December; Jason and Mindy just had a baby boy; Tom and Pam are having such fun watching Suzanne’s boys learn to ski.”
When we get together with friends, we not only hear how their adult kids are doing; but we hear, in much greater detail, all the cute things the grandchildren are doing. Friends with grandchildren in town halfheartedly complain about being exhausted by babysitting, hosting sleepovers and driving to pre-school. I’d love to have their problems. Those with out-of-town grandchildren talk about visits as well as emailing, Skype-ing, and other tech ways to keep in touch and, of course, always have the latest digital photos.I have the feeling that everyone in the world has grandchildren, except us – from the shoppers in Kroger’s, to the members of my golf league, to the bigwigs in Washington, like Nancy Pelosi, who view swearing-in ceremonies as photo-ops for themselves and their grandchildren. We are aware of being left out on a daily basis even more, living in a neighborhood where lots of people grew up in big families and had big families themselves.
Some of these folks have hordes of grandchildren, a well-deserved reward for raising a houseful of children themselves. (I admire their spirit but doubt I would have made it to grandparenthood if I’d attempted to raise more than two kids.)
We have tried to be cool. Some of our grandchild-less friends have a harder time with that. On several occasions, friends announced at their kids’ weddings that they wanted to be grandparents, and soon. I was reminded of my own grandfather (not the one in the photo), who told my future in-laws that, if he wasn’t a great grandfather within a year after we were married, he’d “put more men on the job.”
We do have a number of friends in the same boat. They provide a welcome outlet – we can express to each all other all the wishes, hopes, impatience and, if we’re honest, jealousy we feel at not being part of that elite, favored, fortunate group, who exchange knowing smiles when they talk about how special their offsprings’ offspring are.
When your married kids live in a 600 square foot, one bedroom East Village of New York apartment, you don’t have much hope, even after they have completed their post-graduate degrees and celebrated their 7th anniversary. This past summer, when they were looking to move, we held our breath, hoping they would at least set the stage by getting another bedroom and a few more square feet. The move to Brooklyn, which they described as more of a family neighborhood, allowed them to get a second bedroom for less money than their Manhattan place but we still had low expectations.
This spring, a good friend was raving on and on about grand-parenthood, adding, “It’s something you would really love,” as if she was recommending a restaurant. I could only say, “I know I’d love it, but it’s out of my control.” At my niece’s wedding this summer, there was some speculation (by other family members, not us) as to whether David and Megan might be thinking of starting a family soon. “Is that water you’re drinking,” someone asked Megan at one point.
“No, vodka,” was the response. Back off, Miss Marple.
A few weeks ago, we spent the weekend in New York, trying out the Brooklyn apartment’s second bedroom and touring the neighborhood. We had our usual wonderful visit – great conversation, terrific food, lovely walks and that all important “face time” that has to be scheduled when you live in different cities. But the highlight of the weekend was that IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!! We are potentially leaving the “Have Not” category in about 8 months. They’ve asked us to go slow in spreading the word as it is so early. So, at this point, we are running a race against time – hoping to get the green light on telling everyone we know before both of our heads blow off from holding this exciting, fabulous news inside. YES!
P.S. This was written in October of 2009 –now, all is going well, nobody’s head blew off and we are only 4 1/2 months away from joining the “Haves.”
P.P.S. The photo above left is of me and my grandpa. Above right is John and Nana, his great grandmother.
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