Thursday, January 20, 2011

In the Land of the Blind . . .

While my mom is very capable of handling her own affairs, she turns to each of us when she want assistance with certain aspects of her life.  My brother helped her buy her PT Cruiser and guided her through back surgery and recovery.  My sister taught her to balance a checkbook, more or less, suggested what clothes she should take on her cruise last August and directed her to California Closets when she wanted to remodel her home office space.  And, believe it or not, I am her designated computer expert.  The good news is that you don’t have to know everything to be considered an expert at computers or anything else.  You just have to know more than most of the people around you which, in my case, means my mom, my siblings and many of my over-40 friends.

I got the jump on most people when I was hired by AT&T in the mid 70’s to help design and implement a computer program to measure productivity and develop budgets.  (How I got the job is too complicated to relate besides being irrelevant, although the title of this post gives a partial explanation.)  This was before flat screen monitors, before printers, before laptops and before the internet.  The “computer” was some behemoth in New Jersey that served all of AT&T’s operations.  I had a terminal that looked like a portable typewriter and made a connection by dialing up the main computer and then sticking the telephone handset into the back of my terminal.  Commands I typed in and responses that came back were printed out on the terminal’s roll of paper – if I wanted to print out a multi-page report, I typed in my request and, 3 or 4 days later, the mailman delivered the report.  This was also before pull-down menus, before point-and-click, before cut-and-paste and before user-friendly programs like Excel, PhotoShop and Greeting Card Workshop.  Just printing out a simple list required a whole string of commands after which you typed “:GO:” and hoped you hadn’t made a typo which meant you had to type the whole thing over again.

Shortly after John was born, I left my AT&T job and put my computer skills on hold for awhile.  We were latecomers to the world of home computers as we were to color T.V. (finally, our babysitters demanded one), cell phones (we needed a way to order pizza on the way home from the airport) and Twitter (just kidding.)  Once we did join the tech world, many things I learned back in the 70’s at AT&T came in handy. For example, if you don’t know or can’t remember how to do something, search the computer screen for a clue.  Trial and error is frequently rewarded by success although it can carry some downside risks. (It is not just a false rumor, that, with one simple command which I no longer remember, I did unleash a hidden but deadly cyber force and erased our entire hard drive so thoroughly that the computer consultant couldn’t reinstate it, even with a big bag of floppy disks and CPR.  The idea that stuff you put on a computer sticks around forever is an urban myth.)  I also learned that, if something doesn’t turn out the way you expected it to, look for a typo.  And, if you flat-out have no idea how to do something and are dealing with  people less knowledgeable than you, all you have to say is, “No, it turns out this computer simply can’t do that,”  which isn’t a lie because, in fact, when you are at the keyboard, it can’t.

The one thing I haven’t really gotten good at is dealing with on-line tech support people.  You can tell right away when you’ve hooked into one from somewhere deep in Asia.  They always make me think of my sister’s Chatty Cathy doll – the one where you pulled the ring and she said in a mechanical voice with exaggerated inflections, “Let’s go for a walk” or “I want a cookie.”  When you pull the ring on these phone techs with names like Rex or Bart and they say, “I am so sorry you are having this problem, Jill,” for the eighth time, you know you’re in trouble. 

My 15 years as Development/Communications Director at a small private school gave my computer repertoire and reputation a huge boost.  I found that the old maxim, “if you can read, you can cook” also applies to understanding much of the current computer software, especially if you have the back-up support of a tech savvy person – in my case, one kid’s dad. With the school’s user-friendly Apple computers and programs, I was able to reorganize one data base and set up two more.  I created flyers, magazine ads, invitations, 5 panel color brochures, and 4 to 6 page newsletters with columns, headlines and photos as well as a literary magazine with the kids’ artwork and writing.  And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks – although I wasn’t quite as old a dog then.

It was a pretty easy transition to taking over as leader of my mom's tech team.  This fall, after a virus wormed its way into her email (see my post “Pick On Someone Your Own Size,”) she called a real computer consultant to do the initial clean-up. Then, my sister suggested that Mom leave the follow-up work for me, prompting me to send Kay some very negative thought-waves.  In the end, everything worked out pretty well, and I further clinched the title of family computer expert.  I set up Mom’s new G Mail account and made it easy for her to receive and send messages.  I also cleaned up her address book, got her addresses transferred to G Mail and sent everyone in the address book her new email address along with a warning not to open emails from her old address.  She had been complaining that, when she tried to type double letters, her computer seemed to stick after entering just one letter. I solved the problem by getting her a new, wireless keyboard and, for an encore, installed a wireless mouse.  Just another successful day in Geek-land.

In addition to helping my mom, I get a lot of satisfaction from knowing I can knock Paul’s socks off with a simple parlor trick like setting up an email contact list for his dental study club.  I racked up lots of points when I designed his office website which does include photos, directions and new patient forms even if it doesn’t include anything twirling, whirling or exploding onto the screen.  And, after I put his fall hiking photos in a laptop slide show for his office staff, Paul said admiringly, “You’re like Bill Gates – this is like living with Bill Gates.”

 If you’ve got it, flaunt it.

P.S. In case you're wondering, the guy at right is Bill Gates

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