I forget if this is The Year of the Dog, the Rat or the Horse but for me it’s turning into The Year of the Appliances. My February post, “Goodbye, Old Friend” described the sad demise of my old, workhorse freezer, although that wasn’t a surprise. We were surprised, however, when Paul’s little refrigerator for chilling his home brew unexpectedly froze up a month ago leaving us with a giant, pale ale popsicle. An ugly sink/garbage disposal problem led me to spend a recent Saturday evening with the Roto-Rooter man; and, while everything seems to be okay now, I’m terrified of putting anything more substantial than tomato soup down my disposal. A routine, annual check-up for our air conditioner found a coolant leak and two options – wait and see if it gets worse or get a new air conditioner. In the hot weather we’re having, I can’t tell what is getting worse – the air conditioner or my hot flashes.
After everything else, on a recent night, we heard scrabbling in the bedroom wall which spells CRITTERS. I know this isn't really an appliance issue but it falls under the heading of Household Hassles and adds to the general angst. Anyway, when I called Critter Control, they offered to diagnose the problem for $180 - WRONG-O. Instead, Paul set Have-A-Heart traps in the attic, baited with peanut butter- the non-organic, fat and sugar laced brand - so now all we have to do is wait for whatever it is to die of bad cholesterol.
My slightly out of warranty washer staged the latest appliance revolt. I had a bad feeling a few weeks ago when I started the washer before running errands and returned two hours later to find it still looping through Rinse and Spin. This machine has an electronic touch-pad instead of the old dial-a-cycle set-up – just the kind of jazzy feature that causes heartache for people over 40. Dru, the repairman, was very sympathetic; but he said he had never seen this specific problem with this brand of washer which wasn’t any consolation. I told him to order whatever parts we needed and did eventually convince the manufacturer to pay for the parts after six long phone calls to Australia. If you're ever in a similar situation, here are some useful phrases: "I never would have expected this from a high-end appliance," "This is the first appliance I've bought from your company and it will also be the last," "I think Consumer Reports would be interested in this situation," and, finally, an all-purpose phrase I learned from our attorney friend, Rick, in Chicago, "That is unacceptable"
The new parts were scheduled to go in on a Thursday so, rather than constantly babysitting the washer, I let the dirty laundry pile up for several days. During that time, in an unprecedented gesture, Paul added all of his golf socks, some of which haven’t seen the inside of a washer since the start of golf season. Unfortunately, when Dru came to install the new control panel, he accidentally damaged another part leaving the washer totally out of commission until a replacement could be ordered.
Just like Sara Sylvia Cynthia Stout’s garbage,* our laundry pile continued to grow with towels and linens from weekend guests and sweaty biking and golf clothes. At least the situation offered some recreational opportunities. I’ve always been good at Garbage Blockhead, a variation on the kids’ game that involves stacking up yogurt containers, egg cartons, apple cores, cracker boxes, etc. instead of blocks - the blockhead is the person who adds the piece that brings the whole mess down. We got pretty far with Laundry Blockhead before everything fell out of the dirty clothes basket. Finally I was forced to do a Tour de Laundry, farming out loads to two neighbors and Paul's mother so we would have clean clothes for our week in New York.
It’s a sad state of affairs when you’re joyful about doing wash, but that’s where I was this afternoon after Dru finally replaced the additional part and got the washer running again. I’m on my fourth load which consists of some uniquely stinky towels that have been festering in the basement for over 2 weeks. In about an hour and a half, I expect to hit Laundry Nirvana, the point at which everything in the house is clean. After that, I plan to give stern lectures to the dishwasher, the ice-maker, the food processor and my cute little droid of a vacuum cleaner in case they are planning to act up anytime soon. To quote the Three Stooges, “Enough is too much.”
*P.S. Wondering whether Sara Sylvia Cynthia Stout is a talk show host, a rock star or a new microbrew? Click the link below for a reading by the poet, Shel Silverstein who wrote great kids' poems, travel articles for Playboy and Johnny Cash's hit, "A Boy Named Sue."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvNhhEtUGJY
P.P.S. I have no photos of people doing laundry so these photos are of people having fun NOT doing laundry
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