The Secret Life of Dentists

 I think dentists are great.  Of course, the fact that I’ve been married to my dentist for almost forty years may have something to do with it.  Many of our long-term, close friends are dentists so I’ve spent lots of time with them. I’ve learned that they have their quirks like everybody else.

Paul has never been a dental Nazi – there’s no point to it.  At the office, he presents the facts and lets people make their own choices.  Outside the office, he believes in live and let live. He has no complaints about the grocery store candy aisles and as for giving out toothbrushes instead of candy for Halloween – no way.  He wants to be POPULAR.  When bank tellers offered suckers to the boys, he told them to say, “No thanks, but keep up the good work.”

Sometimes his joking backfired like when John took him to kindergarten Show and Tell during Dental Health Month.  As Paul was giving examples of healthy snacks like Cheerios and apples, the teacher added her personal favorites – raisins and those sticky fruit roll-ups.  “My dad has to fix your teeth if you eat that,” John piped up. “It’s good for business.”

Dentists do have a passion for order.  I consider myself fairly neat and organized, but, compared to a dentist, everybody is messy.   In the office and at home, everything belongs in its assigned place.  Dishes and pans left in the dish rack to air dry cause a great deal of angst.  Recyclables don’t sit at the end of the kitchen counter for long.  Paul's sock drawer is two by two like Noah's ark, and he doesn't believe in junk drawers.  (I have three.)  One morning, Paul asked me if I’d had the bathroom radio on because he noticed that the vase of flowers in front of the radio dial had been moved a half an inch.  The true test came when he was in the hospital where everything on his bedside tray - tissues, chapstick, breathing gadget, book, pen, water pitcher- had a designated space.  If I refilled the water pitcher, it had to go back in its place.  If the box of tissues or his stack of books was crooked, he straightened it. If he didn’t, one of his visiting dentist friends did.

Another big thing about dentists is that, even after hours, they notice teeth.  They admire well done restorations.  They mull over possible solutions to dental problems they see.  They reflexively identify candidates for orthodontia or jaw surgery.  The dentists I know have lots of other interests – gardening, cooking, biking, wine making, traveling, skiing, you name it – but, because they are surrounded by teeth, they can’t help analyzing them.

This seems strange at first, but other people see the world through the filter of their work.  A restaurant owner notices the menu and the service when he or she goes out to eat.  An interior decorator puzzles over how to make a friend’s living room more attractive.  After my years in customer service with the Bell System, I’m always aware of customer service, or the lack of it, in stores, restaurants and, especially, on the phone.

Paul felt better about his tooth obsession after he went on a ski trip with an old fraternity brother and his friends, all painting contractors.  At dinner the first night, he looked up from studying the menu to see that the rest of the guys were studying the walls, the ceiling and the woodwork. He listened as they analyzed the paint color, admired the transition from walls to ceiling and criticized the quality of the trim work.

So, here’s what happens when you go to Chicago with a couple of dentists.  You’re driving down Michigan Avenue surrounded by those classic Chicago landmarks – the Sears Tower, the Chicago Tribune building, the John Hancock building, the wide steps and pillars of the Art Institute. You’re also taking in newer Chicago sights like the glamorous Trump hotel/condo building on the river and Millennium Park. A display of ice and snow sculptures in a public park naturally draws your attention.

That’s when one of the dentists in the car says, “Hey, will you look at that guy.”  He nods toward a cab in the next lane.  On top of the cab is an ad showing the face of a man who is practically all teeth.

“Needs a Maxillary Impaction,” observes the other dentist.

“I’d say he also has a reverse curve,” the first dentist adds. “By the way, did you see that figure skater who won the gold medal last night?  What about those teeth!”

Anyway, after 40 years with a dentist, I  know what I'm up against. When our dental dinner club gets together,  some discussion of teeth is inevitable.  At home, I don't even try to put anything away because it will always be in the wrong place. And I am absolutely certain that if I ever have reason to be jealous of another woman, it will likely be someone with a great set of . . . teeth.

P.S. The artwork is from “Dr. DeSoto,” by William Stieg, the only book I know where the clever, intrepid hero is a dentist.

Click the link below to hear the best song ever written about dentists

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1phr_MLnIM