Toy Story

Getting ready for Christmas brings lots of memories of the years when David and John were young – years of excitement and wonder and magic along with icing drips on the Christmas cookies, interminable sessions at Children’s Palace, carrots for Santa’s reindeer and blizzards of wrapping paper, ribbon and boxes on Christmas morning.  This will be my first Christmas as a grandparent, an ideal role for someone my age because, at 60 plus, there is absolutely no way I could brave the tsunami of toys that used to engulf our house every November and December.

With Christmas plus a November and a December birthday (colossally bad planning), a host of loving thoughtful grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends inundated the boys with presents.  We had no idea that those adorable Fisher Price toddler toys like the school bus, the garage, the family camper and the schoolhouse were just the tip of a massive iceberg.  Soon, wave after wave of toys swept over us - billions of blocks, mountains of matchbox cars, legions of LEGOs, piles of PlayMobiles, an avalanche of athletic gear, a glut of games and a wealth of weapons. (See my March post, “Arms and the Boys” for more on that subject.)  This was in addition to big items like a toddler slide, a chalk board, a play grocery store, a red wagon, a bumper pool table and a tabletop ice hockey game.

While I was often the designated shopper for the grandparents, that didn’t mean I could control how much came into the house.  Everyone wanted to give gifts with the WOW factor, especially my grandmother, Nana K.  Her favorite year was when I chose Civil War battle sets as her gifts to David and John.  As a native of Alabama, a one-time resident of “the first White House of the Confederacy;” and, if you believe my dad, a personal friend of Robert E. Lee, Nana was as excited about those gifts as the boys were.  Each set had a cardboard antebellum mansion and more cannons, cannonballs, tents, horses and blue and grey guys than the boys could count.  All that was missing was Scarlett O’Hara so almost everybody was happy.  As for me, I can’t really reconstruct the thought process that led me to buy even one of those toys, not to mention two; but I do remember my shock at how many pieces came out of the boxes.

It quickly became apparent that resistance was futile.  The most appealing toys had the most parts.  Every Star Wars guy had a removable helmet and one or more weapons as well as props ranging from the Millennium Falcon and the Ewok Village to these gangly things that looked like intergalactic Tyrannosaurs.  The PlayMobile Western sets included a fort, a jailhouse, Indian tepees, covered wagons and, naturally, a saloon.  In the PlayMobile Castle set, even the horses had accessories – those skirts they wore in medieval times and silver helmets with plumes, detachable, of course.

What did David and John do with all that stuff? Well, if they had skipped school and bedtime and played 24-7, they still couldn’t have played with everything they owned; but they certainly made a good attempt.  With their fleet of heavy metal backhoes, graders and dump trucks, they moved enough earth to dig to China. When outdoor construction shut down for the winter, John kept his edge by digging in a big box of dried navy beans.

With their garbage cans full of blocks (including some really big ones my dad made for them) and their suitcases full of outer space and castle LEGOs, they constructed edifices rivaling the Great Pyramids, the Roman Forum, Windsor Castle, Fort Ticonderoga, the Empire State Building and the Space Station.  Their wooden and, later, metal train tracks and car racetracks could have connected the East and West Coasts.

With their armies of guys, horses, vehicles and weapons, the boys made what they called “Set-Ups,” recreating the Gallic Wars, the Crusades, the Spanish Main, Gettysburg, Little Big Horn, Pork Chop Hill and Star Wars, sometimes all at once.  A Set-Up would fill every corner of the room, sometimes lasting for a week or more.  The rule was that there had to be a clear path between the bed and the bedroom door although sometimes the path wouldn’t have let a garter snake through.  When I finally announced it was clean up time, there was always a lot of complaining, followed by gut-wrenching emotion of an intensity not seen since  Robin Hood, with an arrow in his breast, bid his Merry Men goodbye or Douglas McArthur gave his “old soldiers never die” speech.  To soften the blow, I took multiple photos before they conducted a no-holds-barred Last Battle – nothing like a gigantic shoot-em-up to ease the pangs of separation.

I must admit that David and John did really have some cool toys – things I would have loved as a kid. The only toys I never took to were Plug Uglies like the Masters of the Universe and the Transformers.  The Masters of the Universe were disgusting TV characters with squatty little legs and grotesquely bulging torsos that could only be the product of steroid overdoses, a probable explanation for their offensive behavior, clearly manifestations of ‘roid rage.  More than once I’ve skipped a session at the gym for fear I’d end up looking like one of those obnoxious, over-flexed hunks of flesh.  Transformers were jeeps and trucks and airplanes with aggressive names like Ravage, Double Punch, Scourge, and Grimlock - their appeal to boys was that they could be transformed into surly, leering, combative robots.   Need I say more.

For those of you who are experiencing your first toy invasion, all I can say is, it’s going to get worse – a lot worse – before it gets better.  I can offer a few pieces of advice.  Don’t expect Santa Claus to assemble the 795-piece PlayMobile Pirate Ship complete with lifeboat, crow’s nest, sails, riggings and pieces-of-eight.  Be aware that making space for two of everything is a steep price to pay to avoid sibling squabbles, but it's your call.  And, in a few years, set the stage for an October garage sale of toys, by telling the kids, “We can’t bring any more stuff into this house until some stuff goes out.” This at least slows the rate at which you get buried.  If it’s any consolation, before you know it, your kids will be asking for major electronics or cars for Christmas and you’ll look back on the Toy Era with feelings of nostalgia.

Eight years ago, Paul and I packed up the contents of the house where we had raised our family and prepared for our big move. Sorting through David and John’s old toys brought back lots of good memories, and we boxed up some (actually, many) of the classics “for the grandkids.” We had really loved that house and the years we spent there, but we didn’t feel any regret or sadness at moving.  Since the kids who had shared the house with us were grown up and gone, it really felt right for us to be leaving, too.  The only thing that gave us both a lump in the throat was when, at the end of the day, in the corner where the piano stood, we found one lone Star Wars figure.  We didn’t leave him behind.

Deck the Halls

Saturday we had a few inches of snow – the good kind that covers the bushes and grass but doesn’t stay on the streets – and today feels like the right day to decorate the house for Christmas. 

I don't remember doing much holiday decorating when I was a kid.  Somehow my parents got the idea that Santa Claus should bring our Christmas tree in addition to all the presents.  Once I learned the secret of Santa Claus, I also learned why my dad never had much pep on Christmas morning – after spending all night on Christmas Eve decorating the tree and assembling toys, who would?  Before Christmas, we did decorate little trees for our rooms divvying up a pile of gilt encrusted reindeer, aluminum stars and other ragtag ornaments that my mom had bought as a newlywed. But, frankly, we had bigger holiday fish to fry.  For one thing, we had to devote a significant amount of attention to the five-pound box of chocolates our great, great Aunt Annie always sent us from California.  We never actually met her; but, believe me, when you're a kid, a big box of chocolates would earn even Jack the Ripper a hallowed place in your heart.

We also had to play along with whatever fun, family holiday project my mom dreamed up.  The wildest was the time she decided we should pull taffy.  It sounded like fun, stretching it back and forth until it got hard, just like the pioneers did in the olden days. (Of course, the pioneers didn't have indoor plumbing, couldn't go out for Creamy Whip and never got to watch "The Mickey Mouse Club.")  The reality is that hot, gooey taffy is not that easy to hold onto, much less pull; and you definitely have to butter your fingertips both to keep the taffy from sticking and to soothe the burns and blisters.  Like most creative mother projects, this one tasted good in the end but it generated a lot of griping and groaning along the way.

Paul and I started our own holiday traditions the first year we were married, cutting a Christmas tree and decorating it mainly with homemade red velvet bows.  In a fit of holiday craftiness, I bought and painted a set of wooden ornaments which included a sleigh, a teddy bear, a gingerbread boy and a yellow camel, which you can find exiled to the back of our tree, if you look hard enough.  Our early holiday preparations also included handmade, wood-block printed greeting cards although, after repeated bloody accidents with wood cutting tools in our printmaking class, I was demoted from the cutting role to the inking role.

Our stock of purchased Christmas ornaments grew gradually – the first three were a mouse on a little red chair, a mouse on a piece of yellow, Styrofoam cheese and a dove from Frankenmuth, Michigan, Christmas capital of the Midwest. A fabric horse from our friends Tina and Rick, a needlepoint gingerbread house from my sister, a handmade ceramic pizza from Jeff and Mary Pat, a jewel-studded pig from my mom, a zaftig mermaid in a red, strapless gown (photo above) from Caroll and George, a bunch of fishing-themed ornaments from Paul’s office staff and many others followed.  We love the uniqueness and personal quality of our tree; but, as a kid, David was not impressed.  When he was three, he wanted balls on the Christmas tree so much that he made one out of wadded up paper and a pipe cleaner.  Finally Paul bought him a set of six pink balls which are still with us today along with the ball David made. 

Since then, we have collected a whole box full of kid-crafted ornaments – John’s pre-school wreath made out of dyed green, crushed up cornflakes, David’s construction paper chain and dough snowman, glitter laden snowflakes, an origami reindeer plus assorted items the boys made in their annual holiday craft sessions with Grandma.   I’m allowed to sneak a few out each year as long as they’re not displayed too prominently.

Our collection of holiday decorations has also increased over the years.  We have a lovely, hand carved, wooden crèche set, which Paul’s parents brought back from Germany, a few pieces at a time, over about ten years.  The boys took turns setting it up although we knew when it was David’s year, we’d probably find a sheep or a donkey perched on the roof.  Now Paul sets out those beautifully made pieces, but the job can be Willem’s when he’s a little taller and not drooling so much.

We also have fabric, ceramic, wood and metal Santas each of which brings us the memory of the person who gave it to us.  Paul’s sister Marti made us a big, fabric Rudolph head which always hangs in the breakfast room.  Paul’s personal favorites among the decorations are also the tackiest – a goggle-eyed tree that blares out a Christmas carol when you walk past it and a big frog that bops around and sings “Jingle Bells” when you shake its hand. I figure if that’s what it takes to put him in the holiday spirit, tackiness is a small price to pay. 

I myself never buy Christmas decorations, however, for fear of someday finding out that, instead of being able to decorate (and a month later, de-decorate) in under an hour, we might find ourselves spending days in the process.  I appreciate the beauty of other people’s houses graced by hundreds of Santas or multiple trees for the holidays; but I can’t do it.  Besides, it would not go over well with Paul who is truly a closet Grinch.  As we were getting out the Christmas boxes, the first thing he said was, “We don’t have to put all this stuff out.” He reminisced fondly about last year -  he was sick so John helped me cut the tree and I did all the decorating.  “You know,” he said, “My chest feels a little tight today.”

I told him to “man up” and handed him the lights for the tree.  For some reason, that job always brought out the worst in my dad.  Once my sister figured out the Santa thing, decorating the Christmas tree became a family affair, but we hid out until after the lights were safely installed.  While we might have gotten a few laughs out of hearing Dad’s muttered curses at the tree, General Electric, Cincinnati Gas and Electric, Thomas Edison and the holidays in general, it wouldn’t have been a good idea.  When Paul and I put up our first tree, I was braced for the all-too-familiar blow-up. It didn't happen.  Paul impressed me by arranging those light strands as nonchalantly as if he were brushing his teeth; and he has done so every year since.  It’s definitely more restful that way, but sometimes I do miss the fireworks.

I am pleased to report that, even interrupted by a phone call from David, we completed our holiday decorating in 57 minutes.  As always, Paul’s inspiration came from his Christmas Manhattan in the special glass my parents gave him.  My inspiration came from “The Best of Christmas,” a holiday record album we bought in 1971 - the perfect background music for tree trimming. With that album, we bring Nat and Bing and Ella and Dino and Tennessee Ernie into our house every December.  True, we also bring in Wayne Newton's cloying version of “Silent Night”  and Marlene Dietrich's inappropriately smoldering rendition of “The Little Drummer Boy.”   However, when Lou Rawls tells you to “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” you know you’re ready to do just that.