Yoga and Me

For me, yoga is like a banana.  I know it's really good for me, and I feel guilty not enjoying it.  After much soul searching, I've finally decided neither yoga nor bananas are for me.  However, I can't help feeling like a misfit.  Where did I go wrong?

I've had good individual instruction in yoga and a few group lessons, including one just last week. I don't try anything fancy or "not recommended for older people."  No aerobic yoga, no frantic yoga, no hot yoga (or even lukewarm yoga) for me.  I choose what are labeled the easiest, lowest key, least invasive classes and I still can't get it.

So many people, even guys, are devoted fans.  After just a few classes, some swear yoga has changed their lives.  At the rate I'm going, it has the potential to change my life but not necessarily for the better.  Here's how my friends say yoga works for them:
"Each time you exhale, you'll find it easier to stretch."  The only way I'll ever be able to stretch out my leg while holding onto the end of my foot is by wearing a pair of those elf shoes with the long curly toes, and I mean LONG.
"Imitate what the instructor does."  Right.  I might be able to move from one pose into the next and look like the instructor if I cut my legs off and reattached them in a different spot.
"Focus on your breathing."  When you're in a pose and trying not to topple over, the last thing you want to do is to upset your balance by taking a breath.
"It's so relaxing."  Are they kidding? How can you relax when you're worried about whether you'll ever walk again after you untangle yourself from the pose you're in.

I tried a yoga class with my college friends in Wisconsin and learned a different meaning of hot yoga.  It was a warm August morning in a beautiful open space with lovely woodwork and big windows.  The sun was literally pouring in. I got a hot flash just walking into the room.  It went from bad to worse, and, if you think there is anything more embarrassing than doing a "Down Dog" with sweat dripping off your hair and over your nose in a roomful of cool-as-a-cucumber women from Wisconsin, think again.

The best thing about yoga is the part at the end where you lay on your back with your eyes closed, practice your breathing and relax.  I really get into that and do it well.  Unfortunately, after it's over and everyone is rolling up mats and putting on shoes, they look at you funny if you've been snoring.  I think it destroys their karma.

I know I need to improve my flexibility, my concentration, my balance and all those other things that fade out as you get older.  Maybe I can do it another way.  For me, yoga is like hitting my head against a stone wall -it feels so good when I stop.
Namaste.
P.S. The yoga pose shown above is not for beginners